There, But for the Grace of G-d…

Before you ask, there is no spelling mistake in the title. If you know, you know.

Now, why is the Llama sounding so grim today? Well, some new grim and gruesome and monstrous things have happened in our world and, like most of us, it’s making me think.

What is my role in the world?

I know the answer. I’ve known it for a long time. But, moments like these challenge me to rethink, reevaluate, and see if I still circle back to where I am.

I am here.

I am different things to different people: friend, mother, daughter, wife, storyteller, healer (that one is a story for another day), and more. I also am at the point in my life where I know my limitations and my boundaries. I know that there are people in my life who just need me there for support.

To listen.

To offer advice. To not offer advice. To distract from the craziness. To acknowledge the craziness.

Did I mention boundaries? I also know I need to take care of myself. To breathe. To dream. To write. (or not write, but I promise I will still breathe)

I am also aware that there are those with expectations: you have to do this. You cannot say that. If you don’t say things exactly how they need and demand it, you are a horrible person…

To them.

And to them, I say…nothing. I may nod. I may listen. I will not be bullied into being what someone else believes I should or should not do. I also will not bully myself into feeling bad about things that are not within my control.

I know my limitations.

I know my boundaries.

I know to become introspective and reevaluate who I am in this ever-changing world.

What does this have to do with being over 60? (and why the heck isn’t this post light-hearted?) It is because, in each stage of our lives, we need to remember who we are and where we fit in life. The “me” in my teens didn’t fit many places (How many teens really do?) The “me” in my twenties was a young parent, and then a single parent. The “me” in my thirties, finding myself a single parent again, gaining confidence, and keeping a roof over our heads when it felt like it could (figuratively) tumble down on us at any moment.

With each phase, my role changed.

Today, I started to think my blog was frivolous. (I know it’s not, I only thought it – and the thought was fleeting.) I started feeling guilty for not being glued to the news. (Even though I know the stress of it messes with my body and makes me quite useless). I could not help but imagine myself in the life-threatening situation in Israel and Gaza. (There, but for the grace of G-d, go I.) I wondered about the ways to support (yet another) friend who just found out she would be fighting breast cancer. Other thoughts like this, popped in and out of my head and I acknowledged each one.

Then I let them go.

Because I know, as I realize every time I go through this phase of reevaluating, that I am right where I am supposed to be.

And so are you.